I joined a 100 Day Challenge yesterday, and pledged the following:
“I will not drink for 100 days. No matter what. I can cry, but I will not drink. I can go to bed or go home early. I might feel distressed … but I will not drink. Bad things might happen, but I will not drink. Incredibly shitty things may happen to someone around me, or my neighbor, or my friend’s friend’s grandmother. But there will be no booze. Funerals? Weddings? Amputation? I’m not drinking for 100 days no matter what happens … No matter what.”
It comes from this wonderful blog titled “Tired of Thinking About Drinking” and you know what – that’s just where I am at.
My history with ‘booze’ is long standing – from breaking my habit of daily drinking, to going on binges, to realizing that this just isn’t for me anymore. My own sister died as a result of her drinking (she was an alcoholic) four years ago (she was only 50). My parents both went through phases where they drank heavily. I went through phases where I drank heavily, blacked out or got myself into predicaments or allowed myself to be taken advantage of.
I’m a single mother of two girls 12 and 16 and they are going through some really difficult things right now (depression and anxiety) and I need to be fully there for them which I can’t do when I am drinking.
I thought I could do moderation, but I tried that and whenever I’d have that first drink – it was too much because I didn’t want to stop.
I did do a 30 day AF month (Alcohol Free) as part of my reading in the Moderation Management book but that was over two years ago and I have not been able to even come close to that… so why jump into a 100 day challenge? Well oddly enough it’s just that – a challenge. I did the 30 day but never a 100 day and I’m even contemplating that I may shelf the booze for good out of my life.
I’ve been researching and finding some great links and resources and reading other blogs. I decided to journal my own journey – more for me than anyone else. I love to write so why not?!
I blog daily on a health/fitness website, but obviously the focus is not solely on the booze (although there is a group I lead where we discuss the issue and are able to share in our ups and downs – very supportive group that I’ve grown very fond of). I just found that it wasn’t enough to blog there and because I want THIS time to be different, I need to dive in and make changes including opening up perhaps another venue to be able to vent my thoughts as I go through this journey.
Sure it’s only day 2 and I feel better today than yesterday and so far the voices (or Wolfie as Belle refers to it) are not hounding me… but when they do – I will be ready. With the support I have through my group, from Belle (bless your heart) and my own journaling – I know I can do this!!