Remembering and Forward Thinking…

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I need this reminder every now and again – that every day I’m one step away from where I used to be and for the purposes of this blog – that’s now 17 days sober. I continue to read other blogs and enlightened by the stories and experiences.

I have to say that I do have some ‘fear of failure’ but isn’t that the case with anything we take on in life – and at this point in my journey, at 46 years of age, I plan on starting my 47th year (in September) on the right foot. I have been having a lot of thoughts lately about what I will do after the 100 day challenge. Will I try to go back to ‘moderate’ or just social drinking? Will I be able to handle it? If I can’t – will I be able to jump back in the sober car and do as well as I am now?

Belle and I were exchanging emails and she pointed something out to me – it’s a good thing I was not at a point where I might have trouble quitting because of all the issues I am having to deal with in regards to my 12 year old. It’s like my parenting skills kicked into high gear and my priorities were a no brainer – I HAVE to be sober right now.

With all the appointments and services we’re attending, juggling my full time job, trying to manage financially and also dealing with a 16 year old who has her own issues with depression/anxiety – it’s like I’m pulling double duty – playing mom and dad roles. I normally have a break in the summer when the girls go visit their father but this year, neither of them want to go and so – no break for me (he lives 2 provinces away so I don’t get the every other weekend deal either). It’s all on me … and probably why I turned to drinking alone at home so much. I couldn’t really afford to go out, but doing that didn’t help my outlook on things.

Forward thinking to what happens once I achieve this 100 day challenge. What then? Do I stay sober? Do I attempt social drinking? If I do – how will I feel? (not sure I want to turn back the counter to day 1)

When I read about those who went back to drinking and how they felt shitty about it and are back in the sober car again… it just makes me wonder – should I even be thinking about this shit?!

Instead – I should be focusing on all the great feelings being sober is giving me!! How much more productive I am. How I can remember things more than before. How I can decide to late at night go out for a drive because I am sober. How much more health conscious I am in other areas of my life (what I eat/drink and how I move my body to burn some of that energy).  There are so many GOOD things about being sober and that’s what I am going to focus on going forward… NOT mmm when can I have a drink again… because maybe I may never have one again, I don’t know … and for now I’m going to enjoy this sober moment.

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8 thoughts on “Remembering and Forward Thinking…

  1. Lori W says:

    Helene, I used to think “one day”. Now I just go along a day at a time, staying sober. I like the person I am sober way better than liked the drunk person I used to be. I have had so many people tell me how much more they enjoy me now that I am not drinking. Funny how nobody ever told me how much they disliked Drunk Lori. You are doing a great job right now, and right now is all that really matters.

    • losedabooze says:

      Thanks Lori – and I know you have been sober for some time now and I see and sense how you are in a better place. Kudos to you and thanks for sharing those wise words.

  2. I hope this doesn’t come out the wrong way (boy that’s a stupid way to begin a statement) but maybe you shouldn’t worry about what you will do after you finish the challenge. I have no doubt that you can and will complete it, but you don’t know what will happen between now and then. Look at how you feel on Day 17 and one can only imagine how you will feel on Day 34 or Day 67.

    My suggestion is to focus on the journey, not the destination. Just enjoy what you have right now. Everything will be clear to you when it is supposed to. It is going to be a heck of a journey! Congrats!

    • losedabooze says:

      Yes – for now going to enjoy the moments as I posted … and live in the present – the gift of the NOW and how I feel 🙂

      I know when I pass 30 days I will feel incredible because I will beat a record that was so hard for me to reach a few years ago.

  3. Elle says:

    Another great thoughtful blog. Let’s just enjoy this sober moment.

  4. Stick with the gratitude you have going there. Gratitude goes a very long way…keeps us out of self-pity and the other dangerous things that our alcoholism likes to use to get us to pick up.

    As you mentioned, keep it in the present!. That helped me then and it helps me now. I was the king of getting to a destination or landmark or whatever and then crashing because I just didn’t know what to do next. It also kept me too busy, because I needed a new high, so to speak, a new ticket to punch…and I couldn’t keep up that pace.

    You’re doing well. Keep writing 🙂

    Paul

  5. bizi says:

    You are definitely doing well on your journey.
    great blog! sorry that you won’t be having a break this summer.
    bizi

  6. Erika says:

    Helene! My birthday is also on September! Which day do you turn 47?
    Oh my God, I just loved the quote you posted, it’s sooo true and we must remind ourselves of it over and over again!

    About your daughters, I admire you for being sober for them, you are very brave and STRONG! I believe God puts us in situations He knows we can handle so, without a doubt I think you totally can raise your daughters and help them efficiently :).

    Lots of love and light your way!

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