I really believe this to be true in that we all have our reasons for being here trying to stay sober – but most of all why we became problem drinkers to begin with. Each one of us has our own story or reason about why we turned to alcohol. For me, as I reflect, I guess it was just what people did. I watched my parents go on benders. I then started drinking underage, and when I reached the legal age, well then I just drank more.
Part of the work in becoming sober is uncovering the WHY we developed issues with alcohol. What was it we were masking or avoiding? For me the alcohol was a way of numbing myself from many experiences of abuse – but ironically the drinking led me to putting myself in more abusive situations.
After my divorce, which was over 10 years ago, I fell into an even greater depression and drank daily. It was not pretty. It wasn’t until I sought out counselling that things started to get better. When I started talking about all the issues I had, and figuring out ways to deal and cope and just put things in the past – that I could even think of trying to tackle the issue of drinking too much.
Now fast forward to today. I’m on day 22 and feeling very strong in this effort unlike any other attempt I have made in the past to stay booze free. I would have to say it’s because I have matured and I have learned to accept that sure I’m not perfect – but I am the best that I can be and that’s good enough for me. For those who don’t like it – well they can piss off!
Today I’m the person who tries to stay positive in the face of new challenges and I have to say riding this sober car ride – well my stress levels are down BIG time because I don’t have the guilt and anxiety to deal with around the whole drinking issue. I am still dealing with day to day ‘crises’ with my 12 year old and I have to be on the ball (tonight I had a parent come knocking at my door accusing my daughter of talking inappropriately to his 10 year old son about sexual websites, etc. – I stayed cool – and said I would talk with her and find out her side of the story – of course it’s kids and not simple… but I am sober and I can deal with it in a level headed manner).
While my life is normalizing somewhat as I practice sobriety – there’s still a lot of ‘screwy’ things about me (and around me) – but that’s the beauty of ME (and the ever unpredictable world)! We are all unique, yet we all share very similar stories – and I love coming here to read about all of them. It’s ok to NOT be perfect – what matters is that we do the best that we can in the moment that is NOW – the key is to stay in the present and just live for what is right in front of us.