Self-Sabotage

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Well here I am on the eve of my BIG 30 days and I find myself doing this self-sabotage stuff. I suppose some of it is the good ol’ hormonal stuff going on but part of it is perhaps being afraid of succeeding at something. It seems I have a handle on the alcohol free – mind you it has been really hard over the past few days… and I guess I’ve replaced it with eating and I feel shitty about it!

I was tracking my food and it’s no wonder I can’t lose weight and even crazier that I used to do this when I was drinking too – eat loads of junk and not pay any attention to just how much I was consuming. So now that I am that close to 30 days – well it’s weird because you see, the last time I tried to do the 30 days I was so focused on day 31 so I could have a drink again that it seemed to take forever to get here.

This time, I know I’m going for 100 days and now I’m trying to figure out the ‘new’ routine of not drinking while not self-sabotaging other areas of my life. I have about 35lbs to lose to bring me to a ‘happy’ and healthy weight. I’m tired of the gutt and well frankly the booze did not help. Now that I am almost 30 days without … why the HELL am I screwing myself around with the food thing. Again, as I said – I know this is part of my cyclical hormonal bullshit and I saw it coming over the weekend … along with Wolfie who was messing with my head. 

I am feeling really tired too and was lacking motivation to get my workout in today which I knew I needed badly so I pushed myself and got my ass downstairs to do my minimal 25 minutes of the 5 Factor Fitness program, and YES I felt better. 

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I need to stop the self-sabotage and start to accept that YES I can be successful and I will do this!! Not only will I remain alcohol free but I will maintain my health and fitness goals including eating good foods – and really work to avoid falling into the sugar trap as a replacement for the alcohol as I have read so many of us do when we quit ‘da booze. 

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I think I need to post this note as my screen saver or something because I know every day is a new chance to start again – and as I close today, I will make tomorrow – my 30th day booze free one to be super proud of on all levels!

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9 thoughts on “Self-Sabotage

  1. bizi says:

    great blog psot! I love this and yes print it out! you are doing so well.
    Pat youreslf on the back.
    I am glad that wolfie did not get you….big bad wolf!
    bizi

  2. Erika says:

    Self sabotage sucks! But, i think the best advice I got was: don’t get caught up in your thoughts, ACT instead. Lisa over at Sober Identity gave me the advice and though it doesn’t work all the time, every time, it has helped me A LOT. Her book is one of my most treasured gifts, I highly recommend it :).

    You’ll get there! Be proud of yourself and be kind to yourself 😉

  3. Lilly says:

    Hi,

    Lisa’s book is Sober Identity and you can find it here:
    http://soberidentity.com

    Congrats on your 30 days! That’s great and even greater you are going for 100.

    It’s wonderful you want to make other, positive changes, but please don’t beat yourself up too much. Now is a time to be kind to yourself. Think of these things as self loving positive changes, not you messing up and needing to be ‘better’.

    Lilly x

  4. lifecorked says:

    30 days is HUGE! Great job! It only gets better, but you have to be kind to yourself along the way. Chocolate cake was my best friend for the first few months! Eventually the cravings subside and you get back to a new “normal.”

  5. I understand what you are saying, H. You know what I uncovered when i started to do some work on myself in recovery? Amongst my countless fears, I had one that surprised me, and yet didn’t. The fear of success. I had the fear of doing well. Still do at times now. Why would I fear that? Why would be sabotage that? Doesn’t everyone on the planet want to be successful in life, no matter how it looks? Well, I fear it because I don’t feel I am worth it. That I will screw that up like I screwed everything else up in my life. That I am just a lucky SOB who lucked out on sobriety and I should just shut up and be thankful for that. Yikes. Ugly. But it was true for me (not saying it’s for you – just sharing my own experience).

    I had to learn that my sabotage was me trying to prove myself right, to feed my ego and self-pity. I know that the Creator doesn’t want me wallowing in self-destructive thoughts and actions anymore. Whenever I pig out on sugar (blech) or other things like that, I feel like crap. That is not what I am supposed to be doing. I deserve to have a healthy body, like you do. You deserve to be sober and happy and joyous and free. You deserve to enjoy life and not run interference on the good things due to you. Take it all in…and then share it with others who lack. That’s the thing I am still learning.

    We all have our things to learn, don’t we?

    congrats on 30! I remember that being a big one for me…and it sounds like you’re doing well 🙂

    Paul

    • losedabooze says:

      Paul – you hit the nail on the head for me it’s that fear of success as you describe it – and how sometimes I just don’t feel I deserve it. Damned ego of mine. A work in progress – one day at a time … thanks for the wise advice. Have a beautiful day!

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