The Pledge… The 100 Day Challenge

Image

“I will not drink for 100 days.  No matter what.  I can cry, but I will not drink.  I can go to bed or go home early. I might feel distressed … but I will not drink.  Bad things might happen, but I will not drink.  Incredibly shitty things may happen to someone around me, or my neighbor, or my friend’s friend’s grandmother.  But there will be no booze.  Funerals? Weddings? Amputation?  I’m not drinking for 100 days no matter what happens … No matter what.”

I had to pull this up today and re-read it because I have been going through HELL the past few days and months and the voices are screaming at me right now to have a drink. It’s Friday… I took a vacation day… it’s nice and sunny out and dammit I deserve a friggen break from all the shit I’ve been dealing with – to just let go. I’m trying to talk it through – I don’t want to cave but I’m not sure I will succeed today. I feel like screaming this is so damned hard right now.

Belle has been reaching out and reminding me of other emails I sent her when I was in a better place – and I am very grateful – but right now I want to hide, crawl away and fade away in a booze haze… if only for a bit – one day, one night… but that means starting back at day 1 tomorrow or the next day … because I know myself – one day often turns into more.

Fuck my life – I just want to be normal and enjoy life – but I’m not sure telling myself NO to alcohol is working. Day 33 here – not sure if I’ll be able to say that tomorrow. Going to do my best to keep busy … but just really on shaky grounds today.

I found this quote and I guess it’s pretty fitting for what I’m feeling right now…

“If you’re going through HELL, keep going. You grow through what you go through.” – Praying I’ll grow through this day and be at day 34 tomorrow.

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “The Pledge… The 100 Day Challenge

  1. Elle says:

    I have never seen you so strong as you have been these past 33 days. Just one more day, you CAN do it.

  2. Kristin says:

    I feel your pain & I have felt the same way you feel. I have caved so many times. I can tell you I always regret it, it’s never worth it. I’m so sorry for all your struggles & wish I could say something wonderful & wise that would help but I’m not very good at that sort of thing. Take care.

  3. audrey mayrent says:

    Helene, please hang in there. I know you’ve been through so much, but you are stronger than Wolfie, you really are. Please take good care of yourself and no matter how today ends, know how much we love and respect you.

  4. audrey says:

    Helene, please don’t give in. You are so much stronger than Wolfie is. I’m sorry you’re struggling and you’ve been through so much, but you can do this. I know you can. But if for some reason you don’t think so, please know that we will love and respect you in the morning.

  5. The only way out is through! I don’t know if that’s an AA saying or Alanis Morrissette. Either way, it’s true. Whenever I want to be “normal” I remember that the way I drank wasn’t normal.

  6. one hour at a time! you can make it to 34! sending you the maximum positive vibe !

  7. lifecorked says:

    Thats one of my favorite quotes! Just keep going – you’re doing it! You don’t NEED to drink to enjoy life!

  8. Booze wouldn’t ease the stress or take the pressure off. Find another treat or way to take time out, one that won’t promise you everything then ruin your life! Stay strong you are better then this x

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s