Part of my growth as I try to become sober is recognizing the triggers that make me want to have that drink – and today was one of them… Whenever my body is tired, achy and I have that lingering headache looming over me all day – a drink was how I seemed to be able to soothe it.
But NOT today as I wrap up Day 4 sober. There were a few other triggers today – my doubts/worries and overthinking a situation – when I try to tell the voices to shut up … and used to reach for a drink to drown them out.
I will admit that today I felt tempted to have a drink – but the thought passed relatively quickly and I’m thankful because I am also very ’emotionally’ drained from all the stuff I’ve been dealing with around my kids (another trigger as a single mom trying to juggle it all and like so many used the booze to escape for a bit).
Today instead I got to meet up with my guy friend for the escape. He’s not someone who can commit too much time to me and I debated if I could handle it because while it’s only been since March – and we don’t see each other often – I find myself more and more attracted to him so trying to play it cool. In all honesty, with all that I’m trying to tackle – getting sober, my 12 year old’s self-harming issues, my 17 year old’s depression/anxiety and talk of moving out again, and now a move… seeing him very occasionally with no relationship type commitment is just about my speed if I am truly honest.
I know that right now is not a good time to begin a new relationship – I think that’s something of a step in AA (or so I’ve seen / heard in movies). So for now going to keep concentrating on me. Learning what my triggers are, recognizing them and managing them – SOBER.
I still don’t know if I’ll be sober for good – but for today – YES I am! And now I’m going to listen to my body and turn in and get a good night’s sleep since my daughter is out with a friend and I can rest assured she is ‘safe’.