It’s so important for me to accept this as I make my way on this daily journey of changing my booze habits. I was sober for 2 days and then allowed emotional and physical triggers to give way and have now had drinks for 2 days. Today – I’m hoping for a sober day, but the voices are there – doubting and I wonder where today will bring me.
I honestly am taking things one ‘hour’ at a time right now. I feel like my life is so unstable right now with my daughter’s issues… she woke up just before 5am saying she was thinking of all the people who hated her and how she can’t even go outside. My heart aches for her – and I simply don’t feel comfortable leaving her alone so working from home today.
I know that the best course for me is to stay sober but yet there’s a yearning to just lose myself or numb myself from all this hurt and heartache.
As I am trying to help my daughter to stop her own self-harming behaviours, I continue with my own – and see it for the vicious cycle that it is. I read other blogs here and posts from those who have been able to let go of the booze completely and I still ponder where I fit in all of this. Where will I come out of it – it changes from day to day.
All I can do is keep plugging away, moment by moment and strive to make good decisions, or to learn from the not so good ones and keep moving forward.
I guess this is true … we all have something in common here… where we land is what is unique.
“Growth is an erratic forward movement: two steps forward, one step back. Remember that and be very gentle with yourself. ~ Julia Cameron”