I know that alcohol was used for me to fill an emotional void – that of loneliness and boredom. Now that I’m on day 8 AF and dealing with so much drama on a moment by moment basis with my 12 year old, plans to come home and have a regular night and maybe get some packing done didn’t happen. It seems that’s the case more often than not these days – yet I’m trying to hang on to some of my ME time.
I was in tears tonight with the words used towards me and told the crisis counselor (as I had to call them to see what I should do this time) – I’m just not sure how much more of this I can take.
I know they say God never gives us more than we can handle but it’s been months of this and I pray it’s soon going to calm down. Even now as I write this – she continues to push the boundaries and I am at a point where I just don’t bother fighting it because it will cause it to escalate (which happened last night) and I just pray for a peaceful night. I pray with all my heart for things to get better. Right now I’m feeling very beaten – by my own kids, with their words and how they continually make me feel like I’m the worst parent ever. OUCH 😦