Until I take action nothing, absolutely nothing, will change in my life. It’s not enough to say it, I must do it.
I’m honestly working very hard towards this goal of change in my life – that of becoming a mostly sober person – perhaps even at some point totally abstinent and 100% sober but it’s definitely a work in progress.
Having been faced with some incredible hard times at home with my daughter and the stressors associated with it have brought me back to using the booze to comfort myself – at least in some way, although I know it’s not the answer.
I know that I have to muster up the strength to be stronger and to NOT turn to booze for that comfort but rather find other less harmful coping mechanisms. If the alcohol were just a social thing – which I do enjoy at times – it wouldn’t be this big debate in my head and question in my life about what to do.
I tried blogging on Soberistas about this and felt that by not being completely abstinent I didn’t really fit in there – or the reactions I had to a post – well it made me feel like perhaps that wasn’t the place for me.
I decided to blog about this journey for me mostly – to put my thoughts out in black and white and perhaps have a log of where I am at during different stages of this journey as I am truly trying to let go of things in my life that no longer serve me.
It’s a day to day challenge – today being my day 2 AF again – but with a long weekend coming up and my birthday – well who knows what it will bring. I’m just going to take it day by day. I have to keep reminding myself of this fact – and stop with the forward or future thinking of what if’s or how will I do this or that and just LIVE FOR TODAY!!
For tonight – I’m closing off – for the first time in a long time a ‘peaceful’ night at home (but it’s not over yet). I pray that there are no fights tonight – no tension and that we can all get a good night’s rest.