With each passing day sober, I am growing stronger. The voices were calling again yesterday and I had to quiet them by saying “it’s not an option because I don’t drink anymore” but there was the comeback about … maybe later. I had to reset my thinking to just for today, for the next moment, minutes, hours – I will be sober.
I continue to deal with some tough stuff with my kids and my usual coping was to drown out the stuff with booze because I felt like it was too much for me and I needed an outlet to ‘feel better‘. Of course I know that it only made me feel better for a moment – and then the crash and burn feeling. The guilt for not sticking to my guns and caving in, the wasted time and simply the depressed state of mind that comes after boozing it. At least now sober, I can shift my thoughts.
Take for instance yesterday, I shifted by getting busy cooking in a quiet house. Both girls were out. Then I had a bite to eat and went for a walk by the river. I then drove my daughter to gymnastics (pretty cool that I can drive anytime without any worry about having had a few drinks) and came home to do a workout. When I picked up my daughter she had attitude with me again but I was able to deal with it having released some stress with the walk and workout.
It’s not always easy this sober journey, but I do believe so long as I stay here in the now and take things one moment at a time, I will make it!