Self-Care is Necessary!!

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In our journey to become and stay sober, self-care is truly key. It means putting our needs in front of others at times and in my case as a single mother, raising two teenage girls who are rebelling (refusing to go to school, skipping school, being rude and dis-respectful to me) it’s more important than ever for me to stay grounded and strong that I take good care of myself.

Part of this is becoming and staying sober – while I am sometimes screaming inside for a drink to ‘handle’ all of this pressure and stress. Every day I’m being thrown something new to deal with – my youngest daughter and her self-harming, eating issues, anxiety/depression/mood swings and my oldest’s issue with anxiety and learning that both of them have resorted to trying pot and they too are curious and seem interested in booze (likely as a numbing agent). 

Every day – these issues remind me about WHY I have to be the example and stay strong – yet the ‘voice’ (Wolfie or the Goblin – whatever you call it) says to me “Hell you need a break! This is ridiculous. You deserve a drink and the ability to let loose a bit.” But I know that this voice is calling on me because it knows I’m vulnerable and my wish is to keep rolling in this sober car – for the full 100 days this time. After a few failed attempts – I am really striving to get there.

I still have my doubts about this weekend and the whole move thing. I have been and will be pushing myself extra hard to finish up and we all know when we are tired or when we finish something BIG like this, we often feel ‘ok – now you deserve a break and a few drinks’… but I need to come up with new things that I want for myself. In comes the self-care because you see – I don’t drink now because I care about my self-esteem and I don’t want those guilt feelings about caving in ‘yet again‘. It’s not easy. Tonight and throughout the day I’ve been thinking about drinking a LOT. This is hard SHIT to deal with at times – but the reward of not giving in is really worth that proud feeling – that sense of victory and accomplishment and I want that more! 

Tied with this victory are so many other things that I want to achieve – like the weight loss, taking on new hobbies and getting out to finally take some classes (Zumba or some type of dancing). The freed time that we have without ‘da booze in our lives allows for us to explore and really discover who we are and what our real interests are and that’s what I’m after. 

When I divorced almost 11 years ago, it took me a while to rediscover who I was as a single person – not the wife or the mother/wife. I was now the single mother still – but I had to figure out what my interests, goals and life direction was going to be because I thought my marriage would be forever… I have no regrets today about my ex’s decision to leave me – as a matter of fact he did me a HUGE favor! I see that now – we were never a good match. Brought together through many drunken instances. My nature of trying to save or change him led me to a path where I took up the drinking (can’t beat ’em might as well join ’em mentality). 

I’m not that person any more. I’m someone who is independent and someone who is looking to care for my SELF. And so it is – every day I make sure to do things that mean something to me and that keep me in balance. My blogging, my early morning affirmations, my walks by the river, the occasional bubble baths… those are the things I want in my life. Not ‘da booze! Thanks to my blogging and reading of other blogs… I can close off another day feeling good about my decision to NOT drink!

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9 thoughts on “Self-Care is Necessary!!

  1. cin says:

    YOu can so do this…. Just remember how bad you want it for you and your girls. and you know, it was sort of sad for me to think that at their age they think to turn to booze. But you can show them a lot of different ways to gain self confidence and love. HUGS

    • losedabooze says:

      You may be saddened by the fact that they are turning to pot/booze but it’s a reality with kids these days – I swear they do not have the resilience we had and cry anxiety to get out of everything. And Cin – I know you are pushing for me to do this big time – and I know you have good intentions, but know this – I am doing this for ME and if at one point I decide to have a drink – I do not wish to be judged (and you make me feel that way – we have had this conversation before). I know you started following this blog from a link I share through our other website – but this space/place is for those who are going through the same thing – and know what it’s all about. You don’t drink and I don’t know that you ever have and yet you feel very strongly about this. I understand you are coming from a good place – but this blog is for me a way to just share about this particular journey – related to alcohol with others who are going through or have gone through the same thing. I appreciate your support but felt I had to be clear about how I feel.

      • bizi says:

        I support you in all that you do. You are an amazing woman!
        so many challenges….
        You are such a great mom is all I can say.
        bizi

  2. You sound stronger and more committed to not drinking every day/post! Really inspiring. I’m going on 16 months (with an on/off start/stop, so continuously, it will be 200 days in a week), and it’s still so good to read and gain strength/support in resisting ‘da booze. I wonder A LOT these days, as I decide to have kids or not, if it’s just too difficult to grow up…life is shit hard, you know? LOL. Plus, as you said, kids these days seem less…I don’t know–less able to cope? It’s like we, as a society, haven’t been putting emphasis on learning real, solid coping skills for the tough shit in life. Anyway, keep your head up and realize, you are not in control, what’s going on with your kids is their world, their universe. You can be there, but it isn’t ultimately yours–it’s theirs. And, YUP, I feel the same: you don’t drink for you, and if you want to drink, drink for you (but, the more you don’t drink FOR YOU, the more you don’t want to even more–your secret unicorn parade!)… Major hugs. xx

    • losedabooze says:

      16 months – even 200 days is incredible!! I like your saying about the secret unicorn parade and hope to get there where I honestly don’t want to drink even more than I do. I have to say – my kids and how they are managing their issues makes me feel like I’m super woman handling all of the crap they are throwing my way and to do so SOBER is an even greater accomplishment. It leaves me in control and takes away any doubt about my doing a good job – or at least the best job I can be doing as their mother.

      • Totally! I wanted to clarify that lack of control thing–not sure what exactly I meant, but it’s more like, you can’t really control the fact that they will have ups and downs as they grow up, and start to see life differently, with challenges. And, yeah, wow, doing it sober is amazing. And, another thing: being sober really starts to make you grow, as a person; you see it so clearly the longer you stay sober. You move forward, in all ways, and it’s because you are handling things without the crutch, or filter. It’s really empowering…and strengthening.

  3. Lisa Neumann says:

    When I learn this one small fact “self-care” I am free of addiction to anything. Keep up the fight for your life. You’re worth it. What a great post and comments too. lots of love, lisa

    • losedabooze says:

      Thank you Lisa. And DDG – your comments are so bang on to what I’m after… that growth as a person – handling things without any crutch, but simply living a healthy life.

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