Facing This Change

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There are times when I think of the efforts I’m making to truly change my way – to that of living a sober life – that I still question ‘can I truly do this?!’ 

I honestly at times feel almost resentful that this is an issue for me this alcohol affair. Why can’t I just be ‘normal’ and be able to enjoy it socially without it leading to binges?! I guess the fact that I’m still questioning if I can do this for good worries me even – and then I keep bringing myself back to TODAY and now, and yes for today I was sober. 

I will admit coming home and even thinking today is Friday … you know that saying TGIF – well in my case, a friend from soberistas gave me a more a propos acronym that I felt and will likely feel for a while. OFIF (Oh Fuck It’s Friday)… because come the weekend the mode is being ‘off’ work and relaxing which used to come with me picking up my vodka lime and wine coolers. I’d open it up and have some that evening until bed and then there’d be some left the next day so I’d have some more… and as I saw the levels getting low, I’d start considering getting more and so the binge cycle would happen. 

I’m happy to say the thought crossed my mind to get some but I got busy doing other things and it passed and outside of this lingering headache I have going on, I’m feeling good about that. I’m going to turn in soon and look forward to waking up feeling fresh and clear tomorrow – ready to make this a productive weekend. 

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So while I still have the resentful feelings for having to basically give ‘da booze up – I know that I can spend the same amount of energy being happy about giving this nasty habit up and with time, I know I’ll start to feel better about it as I reap the benefits of being freed from it.

Reading stories and blogs of those succeeding, those struggling and those slipping – keeps me going. I am so grateful to have this space to be able to share and also to hear feedback. I think this was the piece that was missing before for me.

I continue to also use some of my other tools – reading books (currently reading Sober Identity by Lisa Newmann and next is the Soberistas book). I have plans for this weekend that will hopefully keep me busy and AF. I honestly need to get more days under my belt I supposed to feel a bit more confident since I’ve been here before… but I will acknowledge and congratulate myself for staying AF on this Friday night. 

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I am letting go of ‘da booze… and I’m going to stick this out to get the true happiness in life I deserve … with a clear and sober head. 

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6 thoughts on “Facing This Change

  1. Iambizi says:

    day at a time….. congratulations for today!
    bizi

  2. Running From the Booze says:

    When I go too far ahead I start to have doubts too and then it feels like its going to be too hard. I reel myself back to the present and I focus on only today. Today is totally manageable for me, one small chunk of time with a finish line. Yes you deserve to be sober and happy.

  3. Staying really busy (I booked my days solid, 24/7, such that I was truly too tired to drink), and staying active (burning off the steam, getting your body into motion–somehow, it works to convince your brain that you DO deserve to feel amazing and be “clean”) helped me in the early days. It’s hard mental and emotional work, but setting yourself some goals, like 60 days, really helps to make you go, OK, I can do this for 60 little days. And, remember, you can always drink if you want…at 60. Or 90. Or whatever. That mentality helps in the beginning…until your brain slowly comes around to realizing that it IS better to just not drink. HUGS from me. xx

  4. Lisa Neumann says:

    “normal” (for me) is such a stupid word … the only thing that is normal is that the sun rises and sets … I still have these moments of wanting to escape …. sometimes I really, really dislike not being able to escape, but I really, really, love AF (I love that acronym btw) I’ve learned that I just want to be some other place other than where I’m at …. I, too, get tired of always looking and growing … it can be utterly exhausting … but the alternative is the worst thought of all. I’ll never go back to a glass of wine …. EVER.

    sending love and encouragement … it’s a tough job …AF… but you can do it.
    xox
    L

    • losedabooze says:

      I screwed it up and caved in on the weekend and will likely finish it off tonight to try to jump back on the AF train again tomorrow. I feel like such a loser at times – I read, write, post and while I make some progress I still slip. I honestly don’t know if I can truly do this 😦

      • Lisa Neumann says:

        find me via email if you want to chat … you can do it … it’s just that the alcohol is so f-ing smart …. it sweet talks us back into it’s clutching vice grip … hang in there … I’m not going anywhere … forgive yourself and move on …lots of love

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