I had a victory yesterday – went out to see a guy friend and he had bought some alcohol for me (which was a really nice gesture) but I told him I had to decline as I was not drinking. He asked why and I explained the ‘light’ side and just said I wanted to lose weight and couldn’t when I was drinking. We know there’s more to it, but no need to divulge the details to everyone (especially those who don’t really know the truth of our issue with alcohol).
Interesting thing in saying no a few times as he did suggest since I achieved 30 days I should celebrate – I didn’t feel tempted in the least.
Today – I’m feeling a bit different again (that internal voice/battle I guess). I met with my co-organizer for the event and contemplating how I might like a drink since I have a complimentary room, no worries about kids and really my first night out to myself. No need to drive home so I could have drinks… but then I’m pulled back to NOT wanting to go back to day 1!!
I keep blogging different intentions in terms of forever sobriety or just achieving certain milestones and I think for now, for peace of mind I’m going to say that I’m going for the 100 days sober as a first milestone and see how I feel then about where I go from there. It is true that I have about 30lbs to lose and I know I can’t do it with the level of drinking I was at (which often included binge eating).
I am finally seeing what Belle spoke about in terms of allowing enough of a break to be able to change my mind set because even after the 30 that battle in my head is still there – although a bit quieter. I read other blogs too from those who have a year or many months and how this battle continues. I do look forward to having a bit of a break on this front, but I know this is all part of the process.
I honestly want to finish the year feeling PROUD of where I stand as I close off 2013 and welcome in 2014. I do want things to change and be different, which means I can’t keep reverting to old habits or patterns of drinking.
Writing this out helps me get a bit clearer on where I want to go and how I will handle Saturday. I acknowledge it may be harder to say no, but I can do this!! I will be checking in more with my supports leading up to the event.
It’s all part of truly celebrating – without alcohol. There is life after alcohol and I’m going to prove that to myself. Last night was a perfect example. I didn’t drink and yet had a great time (even though I watched him have his drink). Just have to keep rolling in this sober car! Looking forward to making December another full month sober (November is almost done and the stars on each date are telling and a great visual for me).