I Will Stay Strong

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I have a very difficult couple of days ahead of me. On Dec 3rd my best friend’s mom (someone who I looked upon as a mother figure) passed away, and on Dec 4th my godmother passed away. And so I find myself having to travel back to my home town today to attend both visitations/funerals that will span from today to Saturday. 

Yesterday I feared what this would do to my AF status but as the day went on and as I thought it through, I now feel stronger in my resolve to keep my AF streak going. I will need to stay strong through this and I’m sure there will be many tears shed, but I will remain sober through it all. 

My hometown is often a trigger because it’s where I left to escape from the daily drinking and worse, at one point, the daily use of oxycotin pills as another numbing agent. When I moved here 5 years ago – it was to break away from it all and I succeeded in breaking the pill/pain killer addiction because it wasn’t all around me. The drinking also slowed down and today – right here, right now it has stopped. 

Like my gala was different as I attended and stayed sober, so will this visit back home be. I know the ‘firsts’ of many are always hard and sometimes awkward, but I also know it’s something I must do. 

The one thing about this trip is that it will also give me a bit of space and a break from all I’ve been dealing with at home here with my 12 year old. I think it will give me some perspective and I hope that my time away from her will do the same for her. It’s been very draining to constantly have to fight and argue with her. We continue with counseling and in a couple of weeks we hope to have a consultation with a psychiatrist to see perhaps again about adding medication to try to help regulate her moods. 

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And so I pray – to arrive safely back home (the freezing rain should stop before I head out) and I pray for brighter days ahead. Today is day 38 AF.

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6 thoughts on “I Will Stay Strong

  1. momma bee says:

    I’m so sorry for your loses, prayers to you and both your families.

    Looks like your toolbox is packed and your ready. You will feel so much relief when you return back from your hometown. All the little successes add up. Safe travels and congrats on Day 38.

  2. Elle says:

    Congrats on Day 38. I’ll send a prayer you make it through the next few days as easily as possible and come home safely to an easier situation with your daughters. xoxo

  3. Safe travels, and yes, sober through the pain is so much better. You will be stronger, that’s for sure. xx

  4. My condolences for your losses, and my thoughts and prayers are with you. It sounds like you are centered as much as you can be during these circumstances, which is wonderful. xx

  5. Lisa Neumann says:

    Happy day 39 AF. You can do this. Feel this feeling. Brighter days are coming. You have your answers, just keep believing in them. lots of love

  6. Iambizi says:

    congratulations on 38 days AF. Way to go!
    bizi

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