Reflections … 14 days left in 2014

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted. I have not been AF much but I have also been feeling ‘ok’ about where I’m at. My life has changed the past couple of months – mostly because for the first time in ages, I seem to have the potential to have a partner in life again. This is really bringing me to reflect on my drinking habits as I go into 2015.

The other day I brought some of my own drinks to his place and left it there. When I took it out the 2nd or 3rd time – he said ‘you’re really making a dent in that bottle’ when in fact I thought it wasn’t so bad. I water down my 26oz bottle of Smirnoff Vodka lime 50/50 so when I drink a 26oz it’s really half of that. I have been doing this watering down for years – and I just prefer the lighter taste. Needless to say – it just made me realize while this is normal to me and not a big deal, for someone looking in on my habits or being around me more is making me realize that perhaps it’s time for MORE changes.

I drank mostly because I was lonely and bored and I have to say my social life (as I’ve been dating this man since Oct 31st – and I have not been exclusive – dating others too) has been incredible! As I go into the New Year, I may actually be considering more of an exclusive relationship with this one guy.

He has been amazing with me – treating me out, doing things for me (gestures like opening the door, holding hands, telling me I look amazing)… and he has also helped me out financially and in other ways. He bought my dress for my Winter Gala because I couldn’t really afford to get one and he wanted me to have a nice dress to wear. He didn’t even come out with me as I was the organizer and busy doing things throughout the evening. Then he noticed a noise with my car and as he is a mechanic he offered to fix it – and didn’t charge me (he even ended up having it brought to his mechanic as it was a bigger job than he could do and he didn’t have the special tools to do it). This was about $800 worth of work!!

I have reciprocated by giving as well – however, still amazed at being on the receiving end for a change. Once the holidays are over, he wants us to plan a trip to Costa Rica (he is a recent widower and his wife had bought property out there so he has to go figure things out – but he also wants ME to go for a vacation with him – HIS treat!!).

So my reflections about ‘da booze… It certainly doesn’t have the value it used to have in my life. I don’t need it like I used to use it so I can’t even go there with that excuse. I just read this article from Sharon Stone (here’s an excerpt)

“And how am I OK now? I work for it. I work at everything. To me, discipline is a kind of freedom. I belong to 24 Hour Fitness and go four or five times a week. It forces me out. Celebrity can be so introverting. I’m inspired by watching what other people are doing there. I eat clean, I always have. I’m off gluten. People don’t want to see a fat Sharon Stone, do they? I know my brand!

Perhaps another reason for the way I look is that I don’t drink. Any alcohol. I drank so little to begin with. But seven years ago, I was training and I wanted to get really cut up. I looked at Madonna — we’re the same age — and I asked my trainer, “What am I not doing? Find out what she’s doing!” She came back and said, “I don’t think she drinks any alcohol.” So I decided to try zero for three months. And I saw a huge difference! And that’s when I started to notice people shove alcohol at you. “What’s your problem?” “Loosen up!” “Why won’t you drink?” People became uncomfortable and aggressive. So after eight or nine months, I started telling people I was sober. And the clarity I started to have about myself and others was astounding. I’ve watched actors and actresses go off the rails with drugs and alcohol for years. Particularly when it all happens so fast when you’re young. I want to feel all my feelings, to have every feeling a person can have and never not feel it. Now I’m a big tea drinker, though rarely ones with caffeine. I have an apothecary of tea.” (full article link HERE)

This article was a nudge for me as I plan new goals for 2015 – firstly being perhaps going 3 months without alcohol to see how I feel and to perhaps tackle the now new goal I have to lose the weight I have re-gained of late. My motivation is the trip to Costa Rica in April (I have to wait until I have vacation days again to travel). The longest stretch I have had I believe is about 33 days and from many articles that I’ve read – it’s only after 3 months that you really start to notice a REAL difference and SHIFT and I’m ready to experience that for myself. I’m not saying I will be AF forever – but I am definitely game to do 90 days and going to psyche myself up for it.

I have many socials coming up for the holidays and visiting back home (first time in almost 2 years – with the exception of a visit back last December for funerals). I am not going to be AF – but I will continue to be mindful – keeping in mind my vision and GOALS for 2015.

For the first time in 12 years – I may actually be changing my relationship status – from single to in a relationship and with regards to alcohol – from moderate drinker to very occasional drinker. wpid-facebook_11624324821