I used to worry about posting too early that I’d be AF but now I’m confident I can do so. I’m honestly determined and not wavering from my commitment to 30 days AF. It’s a good feeling to be in control again because my drinking patterns this year have not been good. They were in fact reverting to old ways where I was drinking daily and finding myself fearing of going back to a dark place despite the many good things happening in my life.
I guess now that I have a bf – my drinking alone is limited which is great. And when I’m with him I’m more mindful too. After being alone for over 12 years and doing what I want without anyone really noticing – well this is indeed a change. A good one at that. I am for the first time in ages hopeful about the future and making so many plans. Dreams I had to have a partner to share things with like travel, a house/home, and just simple things like having someone be there for me to talk to about anything.
I can totally be myself with him and I have shared with him my sister’s untimely death due to her alcoholism and how I was raised around a lot of drinkers. He only started drinking a few years ago to be social and is a VERY moderate drinker (he’s pretty cute when he has a couple and he gets tipsy/giddy).
I have a new life ahead of me and so this 30 days is giving me a chance to really reflect on my future and how I want to proceed. As I said – I’m not looking to quit for good, but I am definitely wanting to implement healthier habits (like no drinking Sunday to Thursday).
Better is definitely better and I’m truly feeling fine wrapping up this day 9!!