Being ‘human’ is not always easy. I was doing so well last month and then on Feb 23rd I got hit with the WORST virus ever! February is historically a really tough month for me with a lot of triggers and I managed to get by them .. until I got hit with the ear infection and the bronchitis and it just wore me down.
I was off work from Feb 25 (7 days) – returned just this Monday. This time of year is when so many deadlines are coming and then my mind starts racing… ‘can I really do all this stuff I intend to do’. It’s performance evaluation time… it’s annual report time… I have to teach again … all things I should be excited about but all of a sudden I’m feeling like I’m not sure I can pull this off.
I don’t know if it’s because of an incident that happened through work where I was only trying to do good and it got blown out of proportion and political leaving me to feel/question if I should even bother to continue. I managed the incident and turned it around – but it makes me question future efforts.
Because I’ve been so sick I haven’t been keeping up with my goals of working out and reading and I’m using the booze to manage the stress… so my plan is this… take this week to basically feel everything out – allow my human heart to BE. I have joined another challenge that starts on Monday and aiming to gear up to that and give it a good solid 4 weeks of 100% effort before my trip to Barbados.
I have so many HUGE life changes coming … and it’s got my mind racing. Ironically – it’s good stuff but I am still scared and questioning if I’m really truly ready. So here I am online for the first time … journaling and being present. My blogging helps me to process…. and sometimes your feedback helps me too.
So here’s to one step forward….