Day 73 and Holding it Together…

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Well since my last post so much has happened. I’m at home off work to be present to deal with the family crises that arose… following my youngest’s admission to hospital and then her discharge… to the physical confrontation that happened between sisters that I had to stand between to break up.

As a mother my heart is hurting knowing how both my daughters are hurting – although my 16 year old is managing better. I did not know the extent of how badly my older daughter was doing with her own mental health. So now my youngest is back to moving in with me…. so I will have to get the items back and move her with us – which is what I hoped for back in August.

She said now she is grateful and I think this will work out. Now to follow-up with counseling for her and for my oldest and try to deal with them separately as they need to not see each other or speak to each other for a while.

I hope to have things settle down enough. I am grateful for the time off and happy to be staying strong and AF!

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Day 67 – Round 2 of 100 Days… And Parenting

Checking in today – on International Women’s Day – and saluting all women and mothers in particular! It’s not an easy role … and for me – well it’s been a struggle as I have been single parenting since 2002.

My youngest (now 16) is going through some major difficulties – while in comparison to a few years ago – she’s doing better in some respects. She’s no longer self-harming or suicidal. She is opening up more and more accepting of the counseling being offered to her by the psychiatrist.

Today was a tough start to my day … I woke to messages of how horrific she felt and she needed me. So I booked the day off without pay to be there for her. I spent time with her, listened to her, comforted her and also followed up with the psychiatrist. She has lost 14lbs in 2 weeks and so there’s reason for concern. She’s is feeling sick, not able to eat and not sleeping – her anxiety is of course through the roof.

She opened up to me and shared more than ever before and I sense how she is also recognizing that I will never leave her side. She has many issues relative to fear of abandonment and she opened up in the session yesterday saying she is always trying to act and BE as she thinks others want her to be – but doesn’t even really know who she really is. It breaks my heart…

After last night’s episode, I contacted the psychiatrist who then suggested she be admitted to hospital – which should happen in the next couple of days. It is hoped it can stabilize her and perhaps get her back to feeling good enough to be able to deal with her mental health issues at hand.

All this to say… that THANK GOD I’m sober. Thank heavens I am not craving or using this as an excuse to reach for a drink as I have done so many times in the past. By NOT doing so – I’m teaching her that it’s not the solution to feeling better or solving problems. I believe she’s noticing and seeing this and learning from me.

Emotionally this is hard SHIT to deal with – but I would rather deal with it raw and real than covered up with the buzz of ‘da booze. I feel stronger than I ever have and I’m so grateful that my mindset truly has changed in that this alcohol in my life – it will be a very occasional thing and it will NEVER be my coping mechanism.

I will continue to reach for my health and fitness – my spirituality and my personal development to keep me going strong! This is the model I want my daughter to see and hopefully be able to follow…

I am grateful for the services we have access to. I am grateful for my boss who is understanding and allowing me the flexibility to take the time I need to deal with my family matters. I am most grateful for the wonderful community of the family at Lose ‘Da Booze 100 Day Challenge!

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Weekend #9 – 2nd 100 Day Challenge

bitmoji298953140Hello Weekend NINE!! Can you believe it?! Honestly – this 2nd 100 day Challenge is even better than my first in terms of how my mindset is changing and how I am kind of gearing it up another level!

I’ve pretty much put into practice some consistent healthier routines – with  my morning waking before any alarms go off – having now figured out and accepted that my chronotype is that of a Lion – after taking this amazing quiz I recommend you check out The Power of When Quiz

The early hours are mine – I’m up alone and I check in with my daily affirmations, check my business, our group posts and prepare my own posts to hopefully inspire others as my goal is to serve and help others reach THEIR goals and best life!

One of the things that I’ve realized needs some tuning up was my FOCUS – so I picked up this great book (very quick read) and sharing with you here the cover and wrap up. Interestingly – it speaks to how if we organize our lives better, that we won’t be seeking as many ‘distractions’ … aka in our case ‘da booze… and it’s so true!!

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I also had an ‘online reading’ from a local psychic and medium – I purchased the “Year in Review” to just get a confirmation of where I’m going (I believe in this but respect that others don’t so take from it what you will).

She said things that were in line with what I am doing and gave me ideas and pointers of where to keep going. She confirmed what I know to be true… that I LOVE connecting with people and most of all, I love to be of service and to help!

My goal now is to figure out how to put myself out there even more. Perhaps fine tune my marketing and web page. She told me that this was my NEW mantra and it really does speak to me… I am a list maker and do-er but I have learned to also be fluid and flexible. When shit happens – shit happens… but it doesn’t mean my goals go to shit either. I’m going to continue listening to my intuition. I’m going to practice meditation more regularly. And I’m going to reach my GOALS… Day 63 or this current 100+ Day Challenge for me! Make it a great day!! And don’t forget … if your plans don’t work out exactly as you envisioned – it’s not the end of the world. Go with the flow… and all will be well!

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